Therapy Isn’t Magic—But It’s Pretty Close!

“Can You Fix My Kid?”

If I had a dollar for every time a parent asked me, "Can you fix my kid?" I’d probably be retired on a beach somewhere by now.

Here’s the thing: Kids aren’t broken. Therapy isn’t about fixing them—it’s about helping them understand themselves, navigate challenges, and build skills to thrive (without turning their parents into exhausted referees in the process).

The Great Therapy Myth: “One Size Fits All”

Raise your hand if you’ve ever bought a “one size fits all” hat that absolutely did not fit your head. That’s what it’s like when people think all therapy works the same way for every child. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.

Imagine this:

• You have a super anxious kid who worries about literally everything—tests, friends, whether the goldfish is secretly judging them. Do they need the same therapy as a kid who can’t sit still for five seconds and is currently attempting parkour off the couch? Nope.

• What about a child who’s been through trauma? Or one who just needs some help managing big emotions? Different approaches, different techniques.

Just like you wouldn’t use the same strategy for getting a toddler and a teenager to eat their vegetables (bribery vs. existential guilt), therapy needs to be tailored to the child.

How Long Does It Take? The 8-Week Brain Rule

I get it—parents want results.

Here’s the truth: Real, lasting change takes time. Science backs this up. Research shows that it takes at least 8 weeks to rewire neural pathways and create new thought patterns and emotional regulation skills (Tang et al., 2015). The brain doesn’t change overnight. Therapy literally reshapes the brain—but like going to the gym, consistency is key.

• Neuroplasticity (the brain’s ability to form new neural connections) happens gradually through repetition.

• Mindfulness, CBT, and other therapeutic techniques strengthen emotional regulation circuits in the brain (Tang et al., 2015).

• Emotional and behavioral habits don’t shift immediately—but they do improve with sustained practice over time (Harvard Medical School, 2011).

As a certified neuropsychotherapist, I use scientifically backed techniques that help children rewire their thinking patterns, strengthen impulse control, and develop emotional resilience. But the reality is, therapy works best when given time to take effect.

What Actually Works? (And Why Yelling Doesn’t)

Parents try everything—bribing, threatening, making up elaborate consequences that no one will ever enforce (I see you, “No iPad until college” parents). But the truth is, real, lasting change doesn’t happen through fear-based discipline. It happens when kids learn the tools to regulate their emotions, problem-solve, and build self-confidence.

This is why therapy isn’t just talking about feelings (though yes, we do that too). It’s also about doing things that build skills:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) → Because we all need to challenge that voice in our head telling us we’re doomed when we forget our homework (Beck Institute, 2023).

• Play Therapy & Art Therapy → Because kids process emotions way better through play and creative expression than through long conversations (Bratton et al., 2005).

• Executive Function Coaching → Because "You have to be ready in 5 minutes!" should not be followed by your child standing in their underwear eating cereal.

• Parent Coaching (Yes, You Need Tools Too!) → Because parenting is hard, and none of us were handed a manual at birth.

The Secret Sauce: Relationship First, Therapy Second

Would you spill your deepest, most embarrassing emotions to a total stranger? Neither would a kid. This is why the therapist-child relationship matters. If a child doesn’t feel safe, heard, and understood, therapy won’t work—no matter how good the techniques are.

And let’s be real, kids will test us before they trust us. They’ll try to avoid deep conversations by:

• Turning sessions into a stand-up comedy show.

• Answering every question with "I dunno."

• Suddenly transforming into a sloth when it’s time to engage.

That’s normal. And that’s why patience (and a good sense of humor) is key.

Parents, You’re Part of This Too!

If your child spends one hour per week in therapy but 167 hours per week at home, where do you think most of the progress happens? Therapy works best when parents are involved and reinforcing progress at home.

That doesn’t mean you have to be a therapist at home (no one’s got time for that), but it does mean:

• Supporting your child with new skills.

• Helping them practice strategies when they’re struggling.

• Being patient (yes, even when it’s frustrating).

The Truth: Therapy Works When We Work Together

If you’re considering therapy for your child, here’s what I want you to know:

• Therapy is not about "fixing" your kid—it’s about giving them tools to succeed in their own way.

• No, all therapy is not the same. Different kids need different approaches.

• Therapy takes time—scientifically, at least 8 weeks to see significant brain changes.

And most importantly, therapy works best when kids feel safe, supported, and engaged—not when they feel like they’re being forced to "be different."

About the Author

Ryan Yam, Psy.D.

Licensed Educational Psychologist (LEP4497) and founder of Dual Minds Psychology. Dr. Yam specializes in ADHD treatment, executive functioning skill development, and culturally sensitive care for children and adolescents.

References

Beck Institute. (2023). Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for kids: How it works. Retrieved from https://beckinstitute.org

Bratton, S. C., Ray, D., Rhine, T., & Jones, L. (2005). The efficacy of play therapy with children: A meta-analytic review of treatment outcomes. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(4), 376-390. https://doi.org/10.1037/0735-7028.36.4.376

Harvard Medical School. (2011). Eight weeks to a better brain. Retrieved from https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/

Tang, Y. Y., Holzel, B. K., & Posner, M. I. (2015). The neuroscience of mindfulness meditation. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 16(4), 213-225. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3916