Helping Kids Slow Down and Shine: A Simple Thinking Strategy for Home

Some children seem to live life at full speed — speaking before others finish, jumping into activities without instructions, or reacting instantly when something upsets them.

This quick energy can be exciting, creative, and full of curiosity. But sometimes, it makes it harder for them to pause, plan, and follow through.

Instead of labeling these moments as “problems,” we can see them as opportunities to build new skills — ones that help children harness their energy while still staying true to themselves.

One approach I use in my work with children is called Self-Instructional Training, developed by psychologist Dr. Donald Meichenbaum. It’s a practical way to help kids guide their own thinking so they can respond more intentionally in everyday situations.

The 5-Step “Think-Then-Do” Approach

Here’s how parents can try it at home:

1. You Show, You Talk – Model the task and say the steps out loud.

   Example: While making a sandwich: “First, I get the bread. Then I spread the peanut butter. Then I put the two pieces together.”

2. You Talk, They Do – Your child does the task while you say the steps.

Example: “Get the bread… spread the peanut butter… put them together.”

3. They Talk, They Do – Your child says the steps as they do them.

Example: “Bread… peanut butter… together.”

4. Whisper Steps – Your child whispers the steps quietly to themselves.

5. Think Steps – They now go through the steps in their head without speaking.

Everyday Examples

Example 1 – Taking a Pause Before Responding

Step 1: “Stop.”

Step 2: “Breathe.”

Step 3: “Say what I want to say calmly.”

Example 2 – Slowing Down During Projects

Step 1: “Read the instructions.”

Step 2: “Do one step at a time.”

Step 3: “Check my work before I finish.”

Why It Works?

Children often benefit from turning big tasks into small, clear steps. This method helps them:

• Practice planning and follow-through

• Build confidence when completing tasks

• Learn to pause before reacting

• Strengthen independence over time

And it works best when paired with encouragement. Celebrate even small successes — each time your child uses this skill, they’re building a lifelong habit of thoughtful action.

Support for Your Child’s Growth

In my sessions, I integrate this approach with other research-based strategies that nurture focus, emotional awareness, and problem-solving — all while respecting your child’s personality and strengths.

If you’d like tailored guidance to help your child feel more in control, more confident, and ready to shine, let’s talk. Together, we can create a plan that works for your family’s everyday life.

📞 Contact Dr. Ryan Yam at Dual Minds Psychology to schedule a consultation.

About the Author

Ryan Yam, Psy.D. - Licensed Educational Psychologist (LEP4497) and founder of Dual Minds Psychology. Dr. Yam specializes in ADHD treatment, executive functioning skill development, and culturally sensitive care for children and adolescents.