When Adults Fight for Children's Best Interests

Over the years, I have evaluated children with learning, emotional, behavioral, developmental, and mental health needs. My evaluations have sometimes helped determine educational placements, mental health services, specialized programs, and other important decisions affecting a child's future.

These decisions often involve parents, schools, advocates, attorneys, agencies, hearing officers, and courts.

Through these experiences, I have learned an important lesson:

The most important person in the room is often the one with the least power.

When Everyone Says They Are Fighting for the Child

In many cases, every adult involved sincerely believes they are acting in the child's best interests.

• Parents advocate for their children.

• Schools advocate for educational programs.

• Attorneys advocate for legal positions.

• Advocates push for services and supports.

• Agencies defend their recommendations.

Yet despite these good intentions, the child can sometimes become the center of the argument rather than the center of the decision.

Parental Rights Are Important — But Not Absolute

I strongly believe that parents should have an important voice in decisions affecting their children.

In most situations, parents know their children best and are their strongest advocates.

However, parental rights and parental capacity are not always the same thing.

Having the legal right to make a decision does not automatically mean that the decision is in the child's best interests.

This is a difficult reality to discuss, but one that professionals regularly encounter.

When Advocacy Becomes Adult Conflict

One of the most challenging aspects of my work is seeing how child-centered advocacy can sometimes become adult-centered conflict.

Adults may become influenced by fear, frustration, pride, ideology, financial concerns, legal strategy, or unresolved personal experiences.

What begins as a discussion about a child's needs can gradually become a battle between adults.

The language remains focused on the child.

The conflict often does not.

The Child Has the Least Control

Perhaps what troubles me most is that children often have the least control over decisions that have the greatest impact on their lives.

• Children usually do not choose where they attend school.

• They do not choose their educational placement.

• They do not choose their treatment program.

• They do not choose the legal battles surrounding them.

Yet they are the ones who must live with the consequences of those decisions.

The Question That Guides My Work

Whenever I conduct an evaluation, I try to return to a simple but powerful question:

Not:

"What do the parents want?"

Not:

"What do the school, attorney, advocate, or agency want?"

But:

"What does this child need to learn, grow, remain safe, develop healthy relationships, and thrive in the long term?"

That question is often much harder to answer than people realize.

Why I Focus on the Whole System

Perhaps this is why my work has increasingly focused on the entire system surrounding a child rather than solely on the child themselves.

Children do not develop in isolation.

Their learning, behavior, emotional well-being, and mental health are shaped by interactions with their families, schools, peers, communities, and support systems.

When we focus only on the child, we often miss important parts of the story.

My Integrated Perspective

As someone trained in both educational psychology and clinical psychology, I have learned that many childhood challenges cannot be understood through a single lens.

A child's difficulties at school may be connected to anxiety, trauma, family stress, learning differences, or unmet developmental needs.

Likewise, a child's mental health concerns may directly affect learning, relationships, and future success.

Understanding both sides of the picture allows us to better understand the child as a whole person.

What Is Happening Around the Child?

One question I frequently ask is:

"Not only what is happening within the child, but what is happening around the child?"

• How is the family functioning?

• What supports are available?

• What barriers exist?

• Are the adults truly working together around the child's needs?

These questions often reveal more than any single test score or diagnosis.

Keeping the Child at the Center

In today's world, it can be easy to become focused on rights, positions, resources, services, and legal outcomes.

Those conversations are important.

But they should never overshadow the person we are trying to protect.

The child.

When adults disagree, the loudest voice should not automatically win.

The child's needs should remain at the center of the conversation.

Always.